Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers. - Anonymous

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers. Anonymous

Know Quotes Love Quotes Stupid Quotes

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." - Anonymous

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Sponsored Links

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Top 100

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Top 100

Do you ever go out, and then something happens ...

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'? Anonymous

Questions Think Quotes Top 100

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. - Anonymous

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

A man's home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary. Anonymous

Man Quotes Short Quotes

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

I'm so lazy that I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down and you don't know whether to tell them or not. Anonymous

Moments

That awkward moment when it's quiet in class and your stomach decides to sound make whale mating sounds. Anonymous

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: "Act normal, you are innocent." Anonymous

We're all brave in our own way. For example, I'm not afraid of raw cookie dough. Anonymous

Eat Quotes

Hardest thing ever: Controlling your laughter at serious times. Anonymous

Short Quotes

When someone asks "Are you crazy?" Just answer "Yes" to end that conversation. Anonymous

Short Quotes

I don't care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive. Anonymous

Displayed 1-9 of 1464 funny quotes.

2
3
4
Next Page »

In a hurry? We have short quotes that make a quick read.

Read the funniest quotes in our Top 100 Funny Quotes and Sayings.

Funny Quote Topics

Recommended Sites

Pure Love Quotes Impressive Facts Best Positive Quotes

Search our Site

Have an amazing quote or saying? Click here to send it to us.

We read all submissions, but only the funniest quotes and sayings will be posted.