Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. - Anonymous
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. Anonymous
Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Top 100
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The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. Anonymous
Drinking Man Quotes Sayings
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows. - Anonymous
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet. - Anonymous
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet. Anonymous
Work Quotes
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna? Anonymous
People Quotes Questions Short Quotes
When there's a will, I want to be in it. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes Statements
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. - Anonymous
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. Anonymous
Analogies Love Quotes Phone
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous
Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - Anonymous
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Anonymous
Analogies Sleep Quotes Top 100
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness. - Anonymous
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness. Anonymous
Animals
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. - Anonymous
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Friend Quotes Know Quotes
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead. - Anonymous
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead. Anonymous
Sleep Quotes

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