Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

A girl called me once and said 'come over, nobody is home!' I went there and she was right, nobody was home!
A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home! Anonymous
Moments
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. - Anonymous
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. Anonymous
Questions Time Quotes Top 100
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. - Anonymous
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes
Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life. Anonymous
Eat Quotes
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Anonymous
Animals People Quotes Short Quotes
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. - Anonymous
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous
Facebook Life Quotes Time Quotes
There should be a calorie refund for food that didn't taste as good as you expected. Anonymous
Eat Quotes
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. Anonymous
Phone Sayings
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes People Quotes Sayings
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes Statements

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