Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous

Questions Top 100

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed. Anonymous

Sayings

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge. Anonymous

Drinking Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done. Anonymous

Good Quotes Sayings Stupid Quotes

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!" Anonymous

Questions

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. Anonymous

Short Quotes Statements Time Quotes

Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.." Anonymous

Questions

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet. Anonymous

Work Quotes

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." Anonymous

Statements

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it. Anonymous

Money Quotes Sayings

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Quotes

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