Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. Anonymous
Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes
An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. - Anonymous
An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. Anonymous
Sayings
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting. - Anonymous
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon. Anonymous
Short Quotes Wise Quotes Witty Quotes
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." - Anonymous
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Short Quotes
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. - Anonymous
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around. Anonymous
Animals Cat Quotes Computers
Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now we have to sit here until the store closes. Anonymous
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. - Anonymous
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Anonymous
Work Quotes
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. - Anonymous
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. Anonymous
Drinking Statements
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. - Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

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