Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"? Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! Anonymous

Witty Quotes

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine. Anonymous

Moments Money Quotes

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer. Anonymous

Computers Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready. Anonymous

Short Quotes

Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right. Anonymous

Eat Quotes

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Dear mathematicians: Stop asking us to find your x. She has a new boyfriend. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes

We should start referring to age as "levels." So when you're level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person. Anonymous

There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Moments Sayings

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly! Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Quotes

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