Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light. - Anonymous
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light. Anonymous
Moments
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. Anonymous
Phone Stupid Quotes Work Quotes
Life is too short to worry about matching socks. - Anonymous
Life is too short to worry about matching socks. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes
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Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours." - Anonymous
Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours." Anonymous
Life Quotes
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings. Anonymous
Phone
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Moments Short Quotes
A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. - Anonymous
A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. Anonymous
Friend Quotes
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? - Anonymous
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes
I only want one thing from fake people: distance. - Anonymous
I only want one thing from fake people: distance. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes
Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other. - Anonymous
Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other. Anonymous
Love Quotes
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. - Anonymous
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night. - Anonymous
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night. Anonymous
Life Quotes
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Life Quotes

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