Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

When I take a shower I'm: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions. Anonymous
Life Quotes
I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It's called being hungry. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes
From now I'm going on a strict diet.... Oh look, burger and fries! Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes
'I'll call you right back.' Translation: Enjoy the rest of your day. Anonymous
Phone Short Quotes
Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey. Hey, Hey Mickey! Face it, you didn't read that, you sang it. Anonymous
If zombies ever attack, just go to Costco. They have strong walls, years of food supplies, and Zombies can't get in because they don't have a membership card. Anonymous
Life always has it's ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy. Anonymous
Life Quotes
Today I decided to do some manly work. I sat down on the couch and I'm watching TV. It's hard but it's necessary. Anonymous
Man Quotes Work Quotes
If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive? Anonymous
Short Quotes
Apparently when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended! Anonymous
Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds. Anonymous
Work Quotes
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on T.V. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes TV Quotes
You know you're mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs. Anonymous
It's always fun listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth. Anonymous
Short Quotes
I lost my car chapstick and now my purse chapstick is in my room, and my room chapstick is in my car, and my whole life is just messed up. Anonymous

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