Latest Funny Quotes

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. Anonymous

Facebook Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I just spent half an hour looking for my phone in the car, using the flashlight on my phone. Anonymous

Phone

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking World Quotes

How can you hurt someone with words? Hit them with a dictionary. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we're setting up tent here. Anonymous

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes

Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad. Anonymous

Money Quotes

They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy. Anonymous

Time Quotes

I'm as single as a one dollar bill, and I don't need any change. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt. Anonymous

Facebook

We should start referring to age as "levels." So when you're level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person. Anonymous

I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I'm not sure what is more scary these days, checking my temperature or checking my weight. Anonymous

I'm still trying to figure out how "wash your hands often" translates into "buy all the toilet paper you can find." Anonymous

Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive. Anonymous

Money Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

I would've never imaged going into a bank wearing a mask and asking the teller for money. Anonymous

Money Quotes

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