Latest Funny Quotes

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Think Quotes

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet. Anonymous

Internet Sleep Quotes

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes

A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic. Anonymous

Analogies Short Quotes

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day. Anonymous

Sayings

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time. Anonymous

Short Quotes

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. Anonymous

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. Anonymous

Eat Quotes

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Time Quotes

• 21
• 22
• 23
• 24
• 25
• 26
• 27
• 28
• 29
• Next Page »