Latest Funny Quotes

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. Anonymous

Eat Quotes

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from. Anonymous

Analogies Internet

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. Anonymous

Sayings

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! Anonymous

Phone Witty Quotes

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? Anonymous

Math Quotes Think Quotes

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. Anonymous

Witty Quotes

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. Anonymous

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. Anonymous

Short Quotes

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. Anonymous

Phone Sayings

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous

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