Latest Funny Quotes

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve. Anonymous

Short Quotes

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I'm hungry again. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same! Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Mark Twain

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says "Smell this," it usually smells nice. Anonymous

Life Quotes Man Quotes

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place. Anonymous

Life Quotes

I often wonder who Pete is, and why we do things for his sake. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

Dear mathematicians: Stop asking us to find your x. She has a new boyfriend. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

If zombies ever attack, just go to Costco. They have strong walls, years of food supplies, and Zombies can't get in because they don't have a membership card. Anonymous

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes

I named my dog "5 Miles," so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

You know you're mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs. Anonymous

When I take a shower I'm: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions. Anonymous

Life Quotes

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

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