Latest Funny Quotes

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Marriage Quotes Stupid Quotes

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?' Anonymous

Animals Eat Quotes

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! Anonymous

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes

One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, that way if something goes wrong I have somebody to blame other than myself. Anonymous

Life Quotes

A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. Anonymous

Eat Quotes

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Moments TV Quotes

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous

Top 100 Witty Quotes

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! Anonymous

Friend Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place. Anonymous

Questions Sayings Top 100

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. Anonymous

Sayings

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