Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.

Savannah Highnote

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes
I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" - Anonymous
I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" Anonymous
Phone
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous
Life Quotes People Quotes Witty Quotes
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math. Anonymous
Math Quotes Moments People Quotes
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous
Animals Cat Quotes Computers
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
Famous Quotes Love Quotes Man Quotes
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! - Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes People Quotes
With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. - Anonymous
With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Anonymous
Love Quotes Money Quotes
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. - Anonymous
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. Anonymous
Work Quotes
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich. - Violet Matters
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.

Violet Matters

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Anonymous
Love Quotes Short Quotes
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - Anonymous
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Anonymous
Analogies Sleep Quotes
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