Top 100 Funny Quotes

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. - Anonymous
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. - Anonymous
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. - Anonymous
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. Anonymous
Facebook Life Quotes Sayings
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right. Anonymous
Happy Quotes Know Quotes Life Quotes
Friendship is like peeing on yourself.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Anonymous
Analogies Friend Quotes
I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats. Anonymous
Friend Quotes
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say. - Ronnie Shakes
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Ronnie Shakes

Know Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. - Anonymous
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous
Animals Questions
When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV. Anonymous
TV Quotes
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A. Whitney Brown

Animals
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. - Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Know Quotes
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck! Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Statements
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