Funny Witty Quotes

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I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. - Anonymous
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. Anonymous
Short Quotes
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' - Anonymous
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' Anonymous
Top 100
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Anonymous
Sayings Work Quotes
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I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. - Anonymous
I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. Anonymous
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? Anonymous
Top 100
Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. - Anonymous
Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. Anonymous
I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous
I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. Anonymous
Short Quotes
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. - Anonymous
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. Anonymous
Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! - Anonymous
Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! Anonymous
Phone
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous
Internet Top 100
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. - Anonymous
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. Anonymous
Short Quotes
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Anonymous
Short Quotes
Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes
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