Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following. Anonymous
Animals
How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice? - Anonymous
How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice? Anonymous
Phone Questions Short Quotes
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes
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Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments. - Anonymous
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments. Anonymous
Work Quotes
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Animals TV Quotes Top 100
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target. Anonymous
Never Quotes Sayings Top 100
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet. - Anonymous
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet. Anonymous
Work Quotes
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up. - Anonymous
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up. Anonymous
Life Quotes
Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. - Anonymous
Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. Anonymous
Sayings
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes...
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing? Anonymous
People Quotes
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. - Anonymous
A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. Anonymous
Friend Quotes
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous
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