Top 100 Funny Quotes

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My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Anonymous
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Animals TV Quotes Witty Quotes
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes Statements
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It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous
Facebook TV Quotes Time Quotes
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous
Sayings
Do you ever go out, and then something happens ...
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'? Anonymous
Questions Think Quotes
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? - Anonymous
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? Anonymous
Questions
Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm. - Anonymous
Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous
Sayings
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double. - Anonymous
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Short Quotes
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
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