Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous
Know Quotes Moments People Quotes
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Albert Einstein
Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. Anonymous
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin
Famous Quotes Questions
You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. - Anonymous
You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
The best revenge is massive success.
The best revenge is massive success.

Frank Sinatra

Short Quotes Wise Quotes
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous
Facebook Life Quotes Time Quotes
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Life Quotes Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. - Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
People Quotes Phone Short Quotes
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you. Anonymous
Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. - Anonymous
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
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