Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous
Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff. - Anonymous
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes World Quotes
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. - Anonymous
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Work Quotes
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Sayings
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous
Know Quotes Moments People Quotes
In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. Anonymous
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' - Anonymous
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' Anonymous
Witty Quotes
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin
Famous Quotes Questions
You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. - Anonymous
You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
The best revenge is massive success.
The best revenge is massive success.

Frank Sinatra

Short Quotes Wise Quotes
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

P.D. East

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous
Facebook Life Quotes Time Quotes
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