Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! - Anonymous
Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous
Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz
Life Quotes Short Quotes World Quotes
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes
I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. - Anonymous
I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. Anonymous
Witty Quotes World Quotes
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

Know Quotes Questions Think Quotes
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. - Eric Morecambe
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Joey Adams
Love Quotes Never Quotes Sayings
I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.
I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers. - Anonymous
When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers. Anonymous
Know Quotes Love Quotes Stupid Quotes
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