Top 100 Funny Quotes
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.
Anonymous
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
Anonymous
just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.
Anonymous
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Anonymous
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Anonymous
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
Anonymous
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
Anonymous
Displayed 31-45 of 400 quotes.