Top 100 Funny Quotes

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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew... - Anonymous
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew... Anonymous
Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. Anonymous
Questions Stupid Quotes
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright
Beer Quotes Drinking Questions
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago? - Anonymous
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago? Anonymous
Questions
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum. Anonymous
Sayings
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. - Anonymous
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. Anonymous
Statements
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous
Sayings
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes
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