Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous
Life Quotes People Quotes Witty Quotes
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
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My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous
Sayings Stupid Quotes World Quotes
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous
Sayings
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous
Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Animals TV Quotes Witty Quotes
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. - Anonymous
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. Anonymous
Sayings
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. Anonymous
Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. - Anonymous
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
4 out 3 people struggle with math. - Anonymous
4 out 3 people struggle with math. Anonymous
Math Quotes Short Quotes
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. - Anonymous
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. Anonymous
Short Quotes
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