Top 100 Funny Quotes
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Groucho Marx
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
Anonymous
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I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"
Anonymous
I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it.
Anonymous
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.
Anonymous
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
Anonymous
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
Anonymous
Displayed 46-60 of 400 quotes.














