Top 100 Funny Quotes

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God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face. Anonymous
Life Quotes
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test. - Anonymous
Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test. Anonymous
Phone Sayings Short Quotes
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Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target. Anonymous
Never Quotes Sayings Wise Quotes
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous
Short Quotes Wise Quotes
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. - Anonymous
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. - Anonymous
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us. - Bill Waterson
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.

Bill Waterson

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous
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