Top 100 Funny Quotes

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A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes
After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.
After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up. Anonymous
Love Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Work Quotes
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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
Famous Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. - Anonymous
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous
Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain
Drinking Eat Quotes Famous Quotes
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous
Know Quotes Sayings
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous
Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. - Anonymous
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
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