Top 100 Funny Quotes

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When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! - Anonymous
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! Anonymous
Facebook
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous
Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes People Quotes
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! Anonymous
Analogies Love Quotes Phone
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. - Anonymous
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - Anonymous
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Anonymous
Love Quotes Short Quotes
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. Anonymous
Drinking Stupid Quotes Think Quotes
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes
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